Being the "bad guy"...

Amongst the first things that you learn about news is the fact that "no news" is better than "bad news". An anology that can be extended to quite a few things and experiences. Come to think of it, we exactly tend to remember the one time when the guy in front of us in the line of cinema tickets mis-behaved or hurled abuses when we un-intentionally nudged him or when the waiter was rude at a particular joint etc. The many times when we were subjected to "unacceptable behaviour". Maybe its just the way we are programmed, we tend to "highlight" the times when we were the victims and were at the receiving end and not otherwise.

Otherwise?!?!

Something that happened on a local train is what's making me write this post. Whenever a non-Mumbaikar comes to the city and plans to use the sub-urban rail network, he's given a set of commandments. The most important one being, never get on a Virar Local!!! Anyway, so a few weeks back as I was getting on the local train from Andheri, I knew I had to jostle quite a bit. This was peak rush and I could'nt afford to miss this train. So I focussed on one thing and one thing only, getting in! In that rush I accidently, though I believe I could have avoided it, threw an elbow at this middle-aged guy. Right on the chin. The moment I made contact I knew I'm in for some trouble. I would at least be abused badly I thought, if not beaten up by the whole compartment. This was going to be my "judgement day"...

Once we all "Andheri junta" got inside I looked for the face I had hurt...so I may stay clear of him. Finally, when I found him, I found him standing right next to me! But looking down at the floor. I blurted out a meek "sorry" when our eyes met awhile later. He just nodded and went back looking at the floor. Without a word. Without a complaint. Without any scene created...just continued staring at the floor.

I wasn't ready for this. I mean...nothing?!?! This can't be! I couldn't let myself off so easily...so how could he do it?

For the entire 40mts of the train journey. I did stupid things to lessen my guilt. Like giving him my seat. But some how his silence was killing me. As I looked at him harder, I found a man who might be going through such blows everyday so that he can provide for his family. Someone who had long back "learned" to brave a few than make an ugly scene of it. Learned to take it all in his stride. Quietly...

I looked around. There were more such tired and expression less faces looking down at the floor, ignoring the blows, getting though another day. One day at a time. They were everywhere...I started to feel terribly guilty, for all of them...

I questioned my self about the so many people I must have elbowed or stepped over in my years of existance. While all the time I have been pointing out the one or two odd times when it was my foot that was stepped upon or my shirt that was pulled. All the times when I was the "bad guy" and the person at the receiving end just chose to look down at the floor...

For what it's worth...I'm sorry...